Confessions of a ghost

Have you ever heard your exact same words uttered by someone else, at the exact time in the exact manner. I have...

This morning I read my words written by someone else....and now I am writing. Just because I've felt that I had to...I needed to and I wanted to. 

Last night about 11 pm these were the words I spoke to my best friend...

'Do you know what it feels like? It is as if I have become a ghost you see, haunting the very place I was murdered. I am staring at my killer and it feels as if we are both ghosts...ghosts that are happy to see each other despite of everything that has happened.'

Call it whatever you like,  fate, coincidince, soulmates. It really doesn't matter. What is meant to be is meant to be, that's what I've always told everyone. There are some bonds which are impossible to break.

I wrote a book once about a love that seemed impossible to happen yet happened still. Two souls from seperate worlds who were connected by a bond the two weren't aware of. A fairytale wanted me to be it's writer and then as a gift ( really depends upon from where you look at it cause you know most fairy tales are cruel and the heroes tend to suffer more than any one else in the tale, but that's another topic for you) it allowed me to live it and I am the only one who knows how it will end. I won't tell the details but it was a happy ending, it was a fairytale after all, even though all the hardships and oh yes they suffered both. A friend of mine once told me that what happens in the horrible part was ridiculous and not logical. Yet it happened, I knew it would. It had to be that way. Everything still happens as I have foretold years ago, still I find it scary. A part of me still believes in them but it is impossible to talk to her, nowadays she keeps mostly to herself. No more premonitions for me, not for now anyway.

For the first time in my life I have little worries about the future, I just live the day, one after another. There are tasks, like endless torture sessions, like levels of an endless game. Responsibilities have taken me over. Prudence is in control now and at some point I find the situation so funny. A soulless ghost...that is what I am.

This is what this story has changed me into...an empty shell...I don't take pleasure in sorrow, yet I came to accept and embrace it. It is a part of me now...as are the tears that I have shed. Blood and tears run through my veins, this in an ironic way makes me happy. 

In al that suffering I was made to make a promise, to someone I cared and admired deeply. She found me in the depths of the abyss with a knife on my back,  even though she could have left me to die, she showed mercy on me not letting me turn into seafoam. The deal she offered was simple, the same one the little mermaid made , she asked for my voice. All magic comes with a price...and that was my toll. A world of Silence...

Still, 

Ever is thy sight a joy...

And there will be a light in the window

With a door always open

For a true heart